Blue Pencil Chronicles

I honestly don’t like deaths (then again, who does?).  There’s this stingy feeling I feel inside whenever I hear about someone’s death.  Somehow, somewhere within, I feel a feeling of guilt.  But I don’t know why.  Maybe because, in some way, I feel related or responsible for the death?  Or because I give sympathies just because it’s the automatic feeling solicited from me?  I don’t know.  But somewhere there, I know there’s guilt.

Just recently, a mother of a ka-barkada in High School (Friday Pablo) passed away due to breast cancer. (more…)

People who know me know that on my spare time (yes, the little of it), I like to spend time watching movies (either with a companion or by myself through Joaqs).  I’m a suki of torrent sites out there, as well as cinemas whenever a new movie comes out.  But most of the time I busy myself watching movies at the apartment, just by the bed or by the study table, absent the more preferred surround sound or home theater lighting, and just confine myself with me and Joaqs (my laptop), plus a headset.

Lately, the movies I tend to watch were preoccupied with the idea that beneath the fabrics of this universe lies someone–or some thing–who/that writes the grand story of our lives.  There’s Mrs. Dalloway and Virginia Woolf in The Hours, Truman Burkman and Christof in The Truman Show, Harold Crick and Karen Eiffel in Stranger than Fiction, and Horton and the Who(s) in Horton hears a Who (although I haven’t finished this one yet). These movies talk about the eternal debate between the pre-destination of Man and his power to change that destiny, as well as the master pen-writer who weaves stories into our lives as he/it goes. (more…)

People are overjoyed by firsts.  First hugs, first kisses, first dates, first haircut, first solid food, and the list goes on.  Of course, who wouldn’t be happy with a monumental first, right?

I know I love firsts too but there are certain kinds of firsts I don’t like: first to report, first to dive, first to introduce, first to talk, first to perform, etc.  Haha.  You guessed it.  I hate it when I’m first to take on anything risky, or anything I’ve never done before.  Of course, I know I should be confident, but sometimes my fears and qualms get the best of me.

Just yesterday, I experienced another first: first discussion leader for the sem.  In our ethics class, the professor picks a name from a bag every meeting who will lead the class in the discussion of the homework or of the case assigned.  It’s just so bewildering that even after praying in my mind, crossing my fingers and making a subtle sign of the cross, my name was picked out of the twenty or so names inside the ziploc bag.  Ugh.  I panicked.  It would’ve been alright to be second because at least by then I’d have an idea how to conduct the discussion.  But being the first, I was clueless as to what I had to do.  Add to that my impeccable (dis)ability at speaking in front, which often leads to a lot of stammering and stuttering. I don’t like speaking that much.  I’m a nervous speaker.  Not knowing what to do, I simply followed the flow of the assignment (comparison of two codes of ethics) and thank God for the people who participated (Jeff, Claire, Marj and Dana, I owe you lots), the discussion went a bit fine.

So yeah, even if I was the “sacrificial lamb,” at least the prof gave me a bit of a leeway and understanding, given that I didn’t know much of what to do.

Oh well, being the first can be frightening, but at least I’m already done with being the discussion leader.  Heh.

Most of us are, at one point or another, disturbed by that one unnerving question that attempts to define our very existence: what am I doing in this world? To some, the answer seemingly comes quick as a passing day, but to most of us who are oblivious to the mysteries of the world, the answer doesn’t come at once, or sometimes, doesn’t come at all. (more…)

As most of my Twitter followers know, I lost my precious wallet the night I went home from the Trinoma Bloggers’ Food Tour. Of course the apparent conclusion that the heavens have smitten me because of being such a glutton during the tour rang up. But no matter how I looked at it, I could not hide the frustration and, quite pathetically, the pain that something so precious to me got lost.

I don’t quite know what happened. I may have dropped it in the jeepney on the way home. It may have slipped out of my jeans’ back pocket. Somebody may have stolen it. I don’t know. What I do know is that it’s gone.

Of course, had this been any other precious thing, I wouldn’t sound this pathetic. It didn’t have that much money in it, just enough to make me survive for a day or two. It wasn’t such an expensive wallet either, it’s just a Girbaud synthetic leather wallet given to me by a dear friend around three or four years ago. (more…)

Seven Years. Wow. That’s a long time. I can’t believe 7 years have already gone since we toppled a corrupt president, only to replace him with someone far worse than we’ve imagined.

I fondly remember that day. The people went out the streets in protest of the rejection of the Senator-juries to open the “Second Envelope,” an evidence rumored to be so compelling that it would assure the impeachment of then President Estrada.

I was actually frustrated that the revolt ended quickly. I wanted to stay tune to the TV more and see what else would transpire. My aunt, who then works at Robinson’s Galleria, always had fond stories to share. She had a hard time going to work everyday because of the volume of people assembline at the EDSA shrine, but she said that seeing the Filipino people in solidarity made the trip to work a bit less tedious. (more…)

Sans the fireworks and firecrackers that marked the birth of a New Year past 12 midnight last night, it is now January 1, the first day of the year, and it is but apt to look ahead and explore the vast blank canvas we are once again tasked to paint with little colors of our lives.

But before proceeding with the future ahead of us (no matter how bright or dim it may be), it is also but apt to look back into the masterpiece we have painted the previous year–all the strokes, the dashes, the lights and the shadows, the uphills and downhills, the light and dark moments–they’re all worth reminiscing and worth learning from, especially because they will be pivotal in drawing the next future for us.

And as per tradition of my blogs for the past couple of years, I’ll have to name this year with something that describes its entirety. Last 2004 I named it The Year of Discovery, 2005 The Year of the Two, 2006 The Year of the Change. 2007, I believe, would be aptly named The Year of the Risk–for all the times I had to leave my comfort zone, for all the time I had to take on a challenge, for all the times I took a leap of faith (and times I fell, and times I rose from falling), and for all the times I took a chance… this year, it was definitely worth taking risks, for I’ve reaped many rewards because of it.

So come journey back with me and forever remember the significant moments of my life this year.

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I know 2007 is nearing its end and soon we’ll be ushering in a new year but this post isn’t about the year-end or the New Year at all.

photo from http://aethlos.com/uploaded_images/Solitude2-762550.jpg

Moments of lull and silence make one think real hard. Moments of Reflection are moments of Introspection. Silence offers us a solace to look deep within and examine what’s been happening to our lives.

I’ve had the luxury of having such moments of solitude lately, especially now that I have to walk a mile from our new apartment just to get a ride to school (but no one’s complaining). These leisurely albeit strenuous walks offer moments of silence for me to talk to myself and examine my life as a whole. Yes, I’m a melancholic if you’re wondering, and I’m a tad too sentimental as well. That’s why foot trips like that get me on a very dejected mood.

So what’s with all the emo-ness anyway? (more…)

Aaahhh, there’s nothing like reading another person’s blog and getting the inspiration you need to blog on your own. I’ve been hovering for a few hours already, keeping this Wordpress window open, staring at it blankly, thinking intently what to write and trying to drown out all the noise around me. Suddenly I can’t perform with that much noise around anymore. But I try.

Class this morning was interestingly significant. I’m taking Sociology of Religion under Prof. Gerry Lanuza this sem. If you’re a UP student and you have no idea who in the wolrd Sir Lanuza is, then go give up your slot and transfer to another school because this guy’s reputation is more popular than himself!

But for the sake of the uninitiated who still want to get to know Sir Lanuza (and also to those who know a zilch about UP and its distinct culture), he’s a Sociology professor well-known for his notoriety and tactlessness. Several years ago he may be popular for being an atheist, albeit being a former seminarian and devout catholic. He was known for challenging students’ beliefs and religion and debating them about the existence of God.

But that was then. Now, Sir Lanuza is a believer of the Catholic faith, of Jesus Christ. It’s interesting to note how he’s been converted. He’s convinced now, he says. As to exactly why he shifted beliefs (and convictions and principles, for that matter), I’m not in the know. I hope you guys who know him could enlighten me.

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