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Archive for the “Reflections” Category

Recently I met up with a friend whom I haven’t seen for quite a long time.  He just broke-up with his girlfriend of more than a year and suffice to say, he was a bit depressed about it.  We willingly joined him as he talked about what happened in their relationship and all the realizations he’s made because of their bitter break-up.

While trying to explain the nature of her ex-girlfriend’s attitude, he ventured a guess and told me that she has a very painful childhood that’s why she’s acting the way she does.  Upon hearing this, I immediately grew angry because it reminded me of a “friend” I had back then who always made an excuse out of her painful experiences in the past.

I don’t know if I’m alone in my perception that we shouldn’t be dwelling on our past and making it an excuse to act lousilly in the present.  People who dwell in their bad experiences in the past are hopeless.  They’re not going to be understood by people if they continue to slap their painful experiences to justify their present shortcomings.  I am just enraged because there are a lot of people who suffer a bigger deal of pain and yet they don’t perceive life negatively and instead use their painful experiences as stepping stones to turn their lives around.

People like my friend’s ex-girlfriend and this “friend” of mine is hopeless.  They need medical attention.  But I don’t think even that can save them.  Only they can help themselves.

Sorry for this little rant, kailangang maipagpag eh.  Hehehe.

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People always tell me to do the things that I love and I will be happy.  When I was having second thoughts with my chosen course for college, they told me to go where I wanted to go and in the end all my fears will be put to rest.  When confronting a personal relationship problem, they told me to go where my heart tells me to go, and everything will fall in its rightful place.

CommRes101 Final Paper night.  One of the best academic overnights of my entire college life.  =)

CommRes101: Simply one of the most memorable academic overnights I’ve had in my entire college life

Suffice to say, that little piece of advice from several years ago hasn’t failed me even once today. (more…)

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Yesterday I left a stage in my life that has been so special to me and entered into more unfamiliar territory.  Yesterday, I turned twenty, leaving my teenage days behind and entered the world of the “twenty-somethings.”

I hope I can say that the transition was easy, that leaving behind a lifestyle you’ve led for seven years is like chaging clothes for the day, but it was not.  Many have been witness to my sudden bouts of emotional fits the past few weeks, as well as my tendencies to act childish in an attempt to stop time and prevent growing altogether.  To these people, for the unnecessary burdens I may have caused them, I apologize. (more…)

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I honestly don’t like deaths (then again, who does?).  There’s this stingy feeling I feel inside whenever I hear about someone’s death.  Somehow, somewhere within, I feel a feeling of guilt.  But I don’t know why.  Maybe because, in some way, I feel related or responsible for the death?  Or because I give sympathies just because it’s the automatic feeling solicited from me?  I don’t know.  But somewhere there, I know there’s guilt.

Just recently, a mother of a ka-barkada in High School (Friday Pablo) passed away due to breast cancer. (more…)

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People who know me know that on my spare time (yes, the little of it), I like to spend time watching movies (either with a companion or by myself through Joaqs).  I’m a suki of torrent sites out there, as well as cinemas whenever a new movie comes out.  But most of the time I busy myself watching movies at the apartment, just by the bed or by the study table, absent the more preferred surround sound or home theater lighting, and just confine myself with me and Joaqs (my laptop), plus a headset.

Lately, the movies I tend to watch were preoccupied with the idea that beneath the fabrics of this universe lies someone–or some thing–who/that writes the grand story of our lives.  There’s Mrs. Dalloway and Virginia Woolf in The Hours, Truman Burkman and Christof in The Truman Show, Harold Crick and Karen Eiffel in Stranger than Fiction, and Horton and the Who(s) in Horton hears a Who (although I haven’t finished this one yet). These movies talk about the eternal debate between the pre-destination of Man and his power to change that destiny, as well as the master pen-writer who weaves stories into our lives as he/it goes. (more…)

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People are overjoyed by firsts.  First hugs, first kisses, first dates, first haircut, first solid food, and the list goes on.  Of course, who wouldn’t be happy with a monumental first, right?

I know I love firsts too but there are certain kinds of firsts I don’t like: first to report, first to dive, first to introduce, first to talk, first to perform, etc.  Haha.  You guessed it.  I hate it when I’m first to take on anything risky, or anything I’ve never done before.  Of course, I know I should be confident, but sometimes my fears and qualms get the best of me.

Just yesterday, I experienced another first: first discussion leader for the sem.  In our ethics class, the professor picks a name from a bag every meeting who will lead the class in the discussion of the homework or of the case assigned.  It’s just so bewildering that even after praying in my mind, crossing my fingers and making a subtle sign of the cross, my name was picked out of the twenty or so names inside the ziploc bag.  Ugh.  I panicked.  It would’ve been alright to be second because at least by then I’d have an idea how to conduct the discussion.  But being the first, I was clueless as to what I had to do.  Add to that my impeccable (dis)ability at speaking in front, which often leads to a lot of stammering and stuttering. I don’t like speaking that much.  I’m a nervous speaker.  Not knowing what to do, I simply followed the flow of the assignment (comparison of two codes of ethics) and thank God for the people who participated (Jeff, Claire, Marj and Dana, I owe you lots), the discussion went a bit fine.

So yeah, even if I was the “sacrificial lamb,” at least the prof gave me a bit of a leeway and understanding, given that I didn’t know much of what to do.

Oh well, being the first can be frightening, but at least I’m already done with being the discussion leader.  Heh.

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Most of us are, at one point or another, disturbed by that one unnerving question that attempts to define our very existence: what am I doing in this world? To some, the answer seemingly comes quick as a passing day, but to most of us who are oblivious to the mysteries of the world, the answer doesn’t come at once, or sometimes, doesn’t come at all. (more…)

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I believe this picture best represents the “ultimate emo” persona. What’s more emo than an unshaved, desolate Jude (from Across the Universe) staring at a row of pinned-up strawberries on canvas, bleeding endless pints of red, imagining each and every piece of fruit as a morsel of his own heart? (a slight mistake: do strawberries bleed red juice, anyway?)

No, I’m perfectly fine. Life is perfectly fine. Actually, it can’t be any more fine than this. But there’s just this stinging feeling I can’t seem to take away (and no, it’s not even the itsy-bitsy trivial problem I had last night). I don’t know. Sometimes this is why a period of emo-ness is quite difficult to handle: coz it’s difficult to explain where it’s coming from. It’s hard to comprehend, that’s why it’s hard to find a solution for it. Just like a wart that unsuspectingly grows on some weird part of your body and unwittingly goes away in a few months, sans the presence of any kind of cure. Sucks, no?

What’s funny (and a bit weird) about this “phase,” if you may call it that, is that I’m not alone in this struggle. There’s Ate Eliza, who can’t seem to figure out what’s wrong with her either. There’s my cousin, Annalyn. There’s Annie, who just came back to school two months after graduating. And a whole slew of other people. So tell me, what’s this, a global epidemic?

In any case, I hope this “phase” ends soon. Sumasakit lang ang ulo ko eh.

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561765.jpgAs most of my Twitter followers know, I lost my precious wallet the night I went home from the Trinoma Bloggers’ Food Tour. Of course the apparent conclusion that the heavens have smitten me because of being such a glutton during the tour rang up. But no matter how I looked at it, I could not hide the frustration and, quite pathetically, the pain that something so precious to me got lost.

I don’t quite know what happened. I may have dropped it in the jeepney on the way home. It may have slipped out of my jeans’ back pocket. Somebody may have stolen it. I don’t know. What I do know is that it’s gone.

Of course, had this been any other precious thing, I wouldn’t sound this pathetic. It didn’t have that much money in it, just enough to make me survive for a day or two. It wasn’t such an expensive wallet either, it’s just a Girbaud synthetic leather wallet given to me by a dear friend around three or four years ago. (more…)

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Seven Years. Wow. That’s a long time. I can’t believe 7 years have already gone since we toppled a corrupt president, only to replace him with someone far worse than we’ve imagined.

kasama-sa-edsa.pngI fondly remember that day. The people went out the streets in protest of the rejection of the Senator-juries to open the “Second Envelope,” an evidence rumored to be so compelling that it would assure the impeachment of then President Estrada.

I was actually frustrated that the revolt ended quickly. I wanted to stay tune to the TV more and see what else would transpire. My aunt, who then works at Robinson’s Galleria, always had fond stories to share. She had a hard time going to work everyday because of the volume of people assembline at the EDSA shrine, but she said that seeing the Filipino people in solidarity made the trip to work a bit less tedious. (more…)

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