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I honestly don’t like deaths (then again, who does?).  There’s this stingy feeling I feel inside whenever I hear about someone’s death.  Somehow, somewhere within, I feel a feeling of guilt.  But I don’t know why.  Maybe because, in some way, I feel related or responsible for the death?  Or because I give sympathies just because it’s the automatic feeling solicited from me?  I don’t know.  But somewhere there, I know there’s guilt.

Just recently, a mother of a ka-barkada in High School (Friday Pablo) passed away due to breast cancer. Just a few years prior to that, a father of another friend in my inner circle died.  One by one, the parents of my friends are being claimed by the inevitable death.  Times like these, I’m somehow jolted to think about the time my parents would succumb to death.  And, of course, it pains me to realize that, in a way, that time is not far behind.  It’s actually a reality that is somewhat near, yet it’s hard to accept its nearness.

Friday‘s mom died of cancer.  She had been confined in the hospital for six months already.  It was a grueling battle.  She had to undergo a lot of treatments and drink a lot of medicine.  She went through a lot.  And not only her, but her family as well.  A medicare supplement would’ve been helpful, but it was not available at the time.  They had to rely on their own funds to survive Friday‘s mom.  It was a bit disheartening hearing the story from Friday, because I could feel the remorse in the tone of his voice, albeit he’s very calm and collected in narrating the story.  Somehow, between his words, I knew death was a horrible thing, but that it’s a fact of life that needs to be dealt with.

I couldn’t begin to imagine how I’d be when my father or my mother dies.  Maybe I’d laugh and share stories with friends at the wake, but deep inside I’d know that’s just a face.  Deep inside I’d know it’ll hurt, and deep inside I’d feel the emptiness.  I have to be ready to accept that fact of life.  And be prepared for I know it’ll come.  Hopefully later, not sooner.

Let us pray for the eternal repose of the soul of Wilma E. Pablo. +


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