Blue Pencil Chronicles

People are overjoyed by firsts.  First hugs, first kisses, first dates, first haircut, first solid food, and the list goes on.  Of course, who wouldn’t be happy with a monumental first, right?

I know I love firsts too but there are certain kinds of firsts I don’t like: first to report, first to dive, first to introduce, first to talk, first to perform, etc.  Haha.  You guessed it.  I hate it when I’m first to take on anything risky, or anything I’ve never done before.  Of course, I know I should be confident, but sometimes my fears and qualms get the best of me.

Just yesterday, I experienced another first: first discussion leader for the sem.  In our ethics class, the professor picks a name from a bag every meeting who will lead the class in the discussion of the homework or of the case assigned.  It’s just so bewildering that even after praying in my mind, crossing my fingers and making a subtle sign of the cross, my name was picked out of the twenty or so names inside the ziploc bag.  Ugh.  I panicked.  It would’ve been alright to be second because at least by then I’d have an idea how to conduct the discussion.  But being the first, I was clueless as to what I had to do.  Add to that my impeccable (dis)ability at speaking in front, which often leads to a lot of stammering and stuttering. I don’t like speaking that much.  I’m a nervous speaker.  Not knowing what to do, I simply followed the flow of the assignment (comparison of two codes of ethics) and thank God for the people who participated (Jeff, Claire, Marj and Dana, I owe you lots), the discussion went a bit fine.

So yeah, even if I was the “sacrificial lamb,” at least the prof gave me a bit of a leeway and understanding, given that I didn’t know much of what to do.

Oh well, being the first can be frightening, but at least I’m already done with being the discussion leader.  Heh.