It’s a series of unfortunate events, JM style. It’s as if all the unlucky eggs are being dropped from the heavens out to hit me right smack in the face.

A few days ago, depression kicked in. It was a very different one, more like longing. It was a different one too because I didn’t choose to wallow in it, in fact, I hated it. It came with a realization that’s so hard to take in. It’s so hard to accept, truly a bitter pill to swallow. But I guess that’s over (for now) because I chose to forget about that dreadful moment for the time being. Just like what I always say to myself (and to some of my friends too) whenever I’m sad, “That God up there is too wonderful to frown up on!” And that would instantly paint a smile on my face. Darn, He’s so wonderful He can turn even an upside-down smile into an upside-down frown (haha, confused?).

My brother told me that our hard disk got corrupted the other day, which totally ruined my day yesterday. Our hard disk for the very long time finally gave up on us. What’s worse is that it’s been slave all along because we had two hard disks. It wouldn’t be a big deal if the other one got corrupted, but this one contained all our files — documents, mp3s, pictures and the like. It was more than a year’s worth of memories, all gone in just a zilch.

Which begs the question, is it still worthy to invest in these technological hooplas you can’t totally trust? Just like what our Journ101 prof always says, “It’s always good to bring a notepad even if you have a tape recorder, because face it, technology fails.” I couldn’t have said it any better. Sigh… it’s not the first time this has happened to me. And everytime it always feels like I’ve lost a very important person in my life (well, what do you know…) Call me crazy or geek, but my files are very important to me. They’re a measure of how much I’ve trudged in this walk of life.

Thousands of pictures, gazillion MP3s, a whole repertoire of published and unpublished articles — all gone. Call me sentimental or whatever, but it’s really really… depressing. (whoo there’s the D word again)

“But what does that mean ‘ephemeral‘?” repeated the little prince, who never in his life had let go of a question, once he had asked it.

“It means, ‘which is in danger of speedy disappearance.’ “

“Is my flower in danger of speedy disappearance?”

“Certainly it is.”

“My flower is ephemeral,” the little prince said to himself, “and she has only four thorns to defend herself against the world. And I have left her on my planet, all alone!”

That was his first moment of regret. But he took courage once more.

Everything in this world is ephemeral. Only our faith in the Lord is unwavering, and so is His promise of Eternal Life.

Gawrsh. Grabe emotional surge na naman. Sorry, sabi ko hindi na’ko magpapaka-emosyonal dito sa blog ko (okay, hindi ko sinabi yon pero you get the drift =P). Shux. Asar. Alam nyo ba, the Sunday after “The Break-Up” (Haha ala vince vaughn at jennifer aniston), nakatanggap ako ng maraming text na somehow patungkol “dun”. Mga quotes sila, at madami sila, in fairness. Kaya nga nagtaka ako pano nalaman ng mga tao yun.

Anyhow, one particular text struck me because I don’t know if it’s true.

“If two past lovers

remain friends,

it’s either they
are still in love,


they never were.”

Huwaw. That really struck me. Kasi I don’t know what’s bound to happen after “this”. Yes, I’ve said we’re still friends, but of course, when I see her, I get this awkward feeling. Please tell me it’s called for because we’ve just broken up and that it’ll take time for things to “go back to normal”. I’m not saying I don’t wanna be friends with her again, it’s just seeing her and being in the same room with her (more so being in the SAME COMMUNITY with her) brings back a lot of memories, regrets and realizations that’s so hard to bear (saying that not to mean that I have many “bad” memories with her; regrets and realizations also come in “good” terms). Of course I know that’s bad but maybe it’s really hard for me. Darn… me of all people. (okay, I have no idea where that came from) I don’t know why I’m so much affected by this. Makes me wanna sing “Same Ground” by Mama Kitchie all over again.

Sigh… pray for me… pray with me…

Dear Lord, let me not leave Your side.


I’m finding my way back to sanity, again
Though I don’t really know what
I am gonna do when I get there
Take a breath and hold on tight
Spin around one more time
And gracefully fall back in the arms of grace

I am hanging on every word you say
And even if you don’t want to speak tonight
That’s alright, alright with me
‘Cause I want nothing more than to sit
Outside Heaven’s door and listen to you breathing
Is where I want to be

I am looking past the shadows
Of my mind into the truth and
I’m trying to identify
The voices in my head
God, which one’s you?
Let me feel one more time
What it feels like to feel
And break these calluses off me
One more time

‘Cause I am hanging on every word you say
And even if you don’t want to speak tonight
That’s alright, alright with me
‘Cause I want nothing more than to sit
Outside your door and listen to you breathing
Is where I want to be

I don’t want a thing from you
Bet you’re tired of me waiting
For the scraps to fall
Off your table to the ground
I just want to be here now

Leave a Reply

XHTML: You can use these tags: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>