Wasn’t supposed to blog today but something urged me to (whatever it is, is beyond me). I really have no new news but I just had the urge to unload.

So… what’s been happening recently? Not much. Haha… talk about fooling myself with my own words. So yeah, sure, so much happened, which makes it hard for me to blog because of all the backlog.

But I guess I’ll go through with it. Okay, alright, something major happened, something I’ve been expecting for a very long time. Something I’ve been praying on for weeks on end, something I’ve been discerning upon for many days now. And yesterday, it just intensified to the point of major agony, which forced me to make my decision. And it wasn’t an easy one, as I mentioned, it was agonizing.

What’s the big biggie of the big big day? Hmmm… we broke up. My girlfriend and I, Belette. My girlfriend of two months. Our relationship ended yesterday at around 5:53pm (her count). Of course it didn’t feel good, but I just felt I had to do it. In the course of two months that we were together, I’ve learned so much. About her, and most especially, about myself.

It happened while I was in the library reading a book. I don’t know what pushed me, but I just felt I had to talk to her. So we did (as always, via text messaging) and continued on until I was on my way to a friend’s party.

I decided to call it quits. I found out so many things about myself that could compromise the relationship. For one, I’m too immature to handle such a very demanding kind of relationship. Second, I get caught up with all the internal pressures I experience (dawned on me from nowhere). Third, I believe I’m more of a better friend than a lover. I get to express my love more to friends than to really special people.

So now I’ve established myself. I prayed real hard about it, and prayed to God for strength because I know I’m gonna be hurting her again (how many times I’ve done so, I lost count). But what needs to be done, needs to be done. And I did it, and now I should take on the consequences of my action.

How do I feel? Of course I’m sad. And the feeling gets intensified with all the radio stations tuning in and listening to mellow love songs all the time. But I have to be convicted and stand by my decisions. I must not be swayed by the dictates of my heart all the time. I also have to think. Just like what Leo told us one time, “Put a little brain in your heart.”

So if you’re surprised by what happened, I’m sorry. No wait, that don’t seem right. But I’ve consulted many people about this and prayed real hard to God. If I did a bad thing then God forbid I’m ready to take the punishment. But if I did a good thing, then thank the Lord and glorify His name for enabling me to do so.

To Belette, thanks for the short time we’ve spent “together”. For you, I offer this song that played in the radio yesterday, the day we parted ways:

Thanks to You
Tyler Collins

Thank you for teaching me how to love
Showing me what the world means
What I’ve been dreamin’ of
And now I know, there is nothing that I could not do
Thanks to You

For teaching me how to feel
Showing me my emotions
Letting me know what’s real
From what is not
What I’ve got is more that I’d ever hoped for
And a lot of what I hope for is
Thanks to you

No mountain, no valley
No time, no space
No heartache, no heartbreak
No fall from grace
Can’t stop me from believing
That my love will pull me through
Thanks to You


There’s no mountain, no valley
No time, no space
No heartache, no heartbreak
No fall from grace
Can’t stop me from believing
That my love will see me through
Thanks to You
Thanks to You

For teaching me how to live
Putting things in perspective
Teaching me how to give
And how to take
No mistake
We were put here together
And if I breakdown
Forgive me but it’s true
That I’m aching with the love I feel inside
Thanks to You
Thanks to you

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