Archive for June, 2006

There are just some blogs that push me to update my own. I frequent this Friendster blog of a friend of mine and whenever I land on his page, I have the sudden urge to blog on my own, even if I really have nothing to say at that particular moment. Well, it’s that particular moment again, so pardon the blabber, the scatterbrain in me is here once again.

I really can’t believe I’m going to get published. And on my birth month at that! Kuya Jess has such perfect timing. True (and it’s such a cliche), I couldn’t ask for more. Okay, so maybe there are still things left to cross out on my list, but I’m willing to wait a few more years (if that be so).

Last saturday, me and Ate Tin went to Bogz’s house. Bogz is my cuddly semi-lil sis. She’s one of my favorites in Maksci Batch1 (whooo I don’t usually play favorites but then again, it’s me. =P). So we went to their house to bake Brownies for Ron, and while waiting in their sala I noticed this RC (Remote-Controled) Car by the stairs. I asked Bogz if it had batteries on it and in no time, I was playing with the darn toy! Dang… I never realized an RC is one missing piece of my childhood. Until now.

FLASHBACK<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< If I remember it correctly, my first and only RC as a child was a black one. I can’t remember exactly how it looked like but I remember playing it on our block and ramming it onto one of those sand piles near construction sites. When I took it out, it was full of sand and wasn’t working anymore. That was the end of my RC. I never had one after that.

So, yes, I wish I have an RC. *hint hint* Whooo too childish, ei? But then again, it’s a missing part of my childhood and I believe the only cure would be to have a new one again.

I wonder if mom’s gonna buy me a laptop for my birthday? I gave her a pamphlet with price listings of cheap-o laptops sold here in UP (the cheapest being 12k and the most expensive being 20k). I wonder if mom’s gonna bite the bait. But I thought hard about it, and I don’t think I want any of those cheap-o laptops at all. It’s Economy vs Quality playing the game here, and if that’s the case I’d rather go for the 30k I found in Shangri-La with features of a 50k laptop.

Mom bought Kuya Jay an MP3 player a few months back. She bought Ninay a new cellphone for her birthday last monday. I’m turning 18 and there’s not gonna be a debut party, but is there gonna be…?

No, JM, don’t get your hopes up. Besides, don’t you have it all? (a published article, loving parents, caring friends, opportunities to serve, an understanding girlfriend, thoughtful best friends, a high-end cellphone, etc.)

I do. Haha…

Count your blessings…

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I’m turning 18 in a month and I mentioned here that I have a wish that would make this birthday my best ever.

And you know what?


A previous blog article of mine will be published in CodeRed Magazine this coming July! So watch out for it, okay?

Thanks a whole bunch, Kuya Jess!

*And I apologize for the minimal updates, I’m “busy”, if you know what I mean. ๐Ÿ˜‰

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I decided my hair was too one-sided and one-dimensional…

So I electrocuted myself and VOILA!

Don’t worry, you’ll get used to it. =P

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I told myself I wouldn’t blog, and I really shouldn’t because I want to let things settle in my mind and give it all in one go. But you only experience free internet once in a while so might as well take the opportunity and type away! =P

School has just started and contrary to popular hearsay, all my professors turned up yesterday. I even missed my PolSci14 class because I got up late, shrugging things off thinking there won’t be profs showing up anyway. But things turned out not quite as I expected them to be, but as the old saying goes, “Shut up, I don’t give a shit.” WHEREever.

Did you know that super olats ang UAAP this season? Yep, all because UE’s hosting the tournament (pardon to all UE students and fans out there). The games will be held at Rizal Stadium and Ninoy Aquino Stadium instead of the usual Araneta Coliseum and Blue Eagle Gym. Don’t ask me where those are, even I don’t have a clue. I guess UE can’t afford Araneta. Plus the fact that LaSalle isn’t in the competition. Hey, even if Lasalle’s basketballs sometimes a complete asshole (again, pardon to Lasalle Fans), they prove to be quite a competition. Okay, a lot of competition. Now that things are turning out this way this season, I wonder what’ll happen when it’s UP’s turn to host. Where will the games be held? In the nearest barangay court? Hehehe… even I can’t help slandering my own university’s name.

I have plans of moving into a boarding house anytime soon. More on that later, still waiting for my mom’s approval.

New Layout Soon!!! Can’t wait!

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Feels like heaven? Definitely. My MakSci brothers and sisters are singing in the background, practicing the DWTL songs for aboslutely no reason at all. And, I have to give it to them, they sound good! Even better than us, of Days Manda. Clap, Clap, Clap.

We’re spending the hours here at the Manaligod Residence. Seems like this place is the official haven of Dayzers who’ve no place else to go. Okay, that didn’t sound right, but this has recently become our favorite tambayan, eventhough it’s really really far away (talk about being out of civilization).

Two days ago I finished my enrollment via manual enlistment. It was my first time to try the “system”, and quite frankly I was scared. I’m always scared when I tend to try new things, owe it to the fact that I’m not really a risky person, that’s why I take time to know something first before I dive into it. Thank Jess I have my very trusty UP-BuskoDayzer friends to help me out (Kuya Juvelan, Eiman, Ate Dey, Ate Anna and Lolo Noel). They made me feel a little bit better and even gave me some insights.

I arrived at school really early, around 730 or so, but there were a lot of people in Palma Hall already. I sat down at the English1 Enlistment Room, waiting for the Registration Assistant to arrive. When he came, he announced that those who are qualified to enlist at that time are people with surnames starting from F to O. Mine was T. I then started cursing the mokong who put ‘T’ at the last part of the alphabet, even my ancestors who chose ‘Tuazon’ as my surname and not Agoncillo or Bustamante or anything at the beginning.

While waiting for my turn, I texted the Dayzers to pray to Kuya Jess that He gives me enough patience to finish my enrollment that day. And boy, the power of prayers has been proven again! For I got the LAST SLOT in the subject I lined up for. Imagine that?! Gawrsh… I’m forever thankful for Dayzers who are my prayer warriors.

The afternoon saw me and Bru spending lunch with Eiman at Aaron’s place together with Pao and his cousing Carlo. I was kind of pissed because I wasn’t informed we’d stay there for long (say, 9pm!) and I was getting kinda worried about Bru because if she had went way beyond her curfew, I’d be dead. So we had to be Ultraelectromagnetic Killjoys once again and leave the “party” early because it was darn late. Sowee Eiman!

Bru and I got into a little bit of an “argument” last night, over such a simple thing. She said it was her mood swing attacking once again. Oh well, I wasn’t mad or anything, just wanted her to say what she really feels. Besides, I have mood swings, too, you know, even worse than yours, so don’t worry about me riding on yours, you better worry about how you’ll ride mine. Okay, that didn’t sound right, but whuddaheck.

PEACEout! ^__^

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I’m in my Bru’s house right now, the parasite in me trying to take advantage of their DSL-powered PC, wondering when will I get mine.

In the middle of bloghopping and sipping through Coke Light, I felt the sudden urge to do this blog, even though I really have nothing to say.

Some blogs just pushes me to update. By the way, I’m sorry for the long absence, my mind’s been offset for quite a few weeks because of the DWTL Retreat. Oh, by the way, Vice Rector na’ko. Haha… the choice is undoubtedly circumstantial, had there not been a parting of ways I wouldn’t be an option, but what the heck, if it’s time, it’s time. And it’s time. So time na. Okay, time… time is gold. Okay. Whutever.

The scatterbrain in me is, yet again, at large.

It’s my first time to get my hands on manual enlistment. It’s a pain in the ass, but the experience is quite exciting. Having to queue up in looooooooooong lines just to get forms or get enlisted in a subject. The day hasn’t ended yet and I still have to go back to UP tomorrow to enlist in one more subject, but I’m not getting my hopes up. I might pull of a Prerog (Teacher’s Prerogative). Darn, one more new experience to take. Good thing I have UP Dayzers to help me with this daunting task.

I hate this feeling, uncertainty. I’m someone who always wants to be sure of something. 100% sure always. But my life recently is full of uncertainty. What paths to take, what directions to follow. Good thing that in this uncertainty, there’s a goal to look up to: Kuya Jess. And ultimately, His way is the HighWay. =P Whatever that means.

I just want to say, I love my Bru so very damn much (every romantic has a poetic license to commit grammatical errors. =P). If only I could show it every time… if only I’m not limited by my insecurities and inhibitions… if only I could always show her how much. In time, in time… baby steps!

Oh and before I go, may I make a virtual sabunot to my prof who still hasn’t processed my INC grade?! Goddamnit. I’m not US standing because of her. I do hope this won’t show up in my records…

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Alam mo ba, ikaw ang Kuya Jess ng buhay ko? More than a friend you’re an inspirer, a motivator, a companion, a consoler. Dahil sayo nararamdaman ko ang pagmamahal niya. Dahil sa mga ka-kornihan mo nalaman kong may sense of humor si Kuya Jess. Dahil sa mga yakap mo naramdaman ko ang init ng Kanyang pagmamahal. Dahil sa mga payo mo narinig ko ang boses Niya.

Shit, ang unfair Niya. Kung sinabi Niyang ipapahiram ka lang pala sa’kin sana hindi ka na Niya binigay. Pero ganun naman maglaro si Kuya eh. Paiiyakin ka muna tapos tsaka ka babatukan at sasabihing “Hoy, para kang gago. Lahat yan parte ng plano. Wala ka bang tiwala sa’Kin?” At dun matatauhan ka. Kasi sobrang laki ng tiwala ko sa Kanya.

Sabi ni Jess kay Simon Pedro nang tinanong Siya kung bakit huhugasan ang paa niya, “What I am doing now you do not understand, but you will know after this.” Ay sorry taglish. Pero ganun. Hindi ko man naiintindihan ngayon pero balang araw, sabi mo nga, maiintindihan ko rin.

Alam mo, andami Niyang ginagawa sa buhay mo at sa buhay ko na lubos nating di maintindihan. Minsan ang hirap Niyang arukin. Ang labo. Sobra. Parang babaeng may mood swing dahil sa buwanang dalaw. Pero after naman lahat ng yun, may paliwanag. Hindi naman pala Siya ang malabo, tayo pala. Ako pala. I keep on ignoring the signs. He’s telling me 13 but I read it as x=6+14/2. Labo noh?

Pero grabe ka. Isa ka rin eh. Anlabo mo rin. Para kang si Jess. Well, ikaw nga si Jess eh. Jess ng buhay ko. Eh malabo ka nga eh. May Alien Language ka nga diba? Labu nun. Di ko ma-reach. Masyado kang mataas mag-isip. Di tayo magka-level.

Alam mo, andami kong insecurities sa’yo. Sa personality, sa achievements, sa intelligence, sa talents, lahat na. Kung totoo ang alter ego, ikaw yung akin. Ganun kalakas mang-asar si Kuya Jess. Lahat ng di ko kaya, kaya mong gawin. Lahat ng di mo kaya, well, ummm… sige, sabihin na nating kaya kong gawin. Eh kung magsalpukan kaya tayo, will we annihilate each other gaya ng antimatter sa Angels and Demons?

Alam mo ba ang pinakamasakit sa paglisan mo? Yun eh yung ginawa mo’kong bahagi ng paglalakbay mo. Yung tipong mga panahong litong-lito ka na at di mo alam ang gagawin mo, tapos sabi mo sa’kin samahan kita. Ako naman gago sumama nga. Sinamahan kita san ka man magpunta. Naging bahagi ako ng desisyon mo, kahit na wala naman akong gianwa kundi tumanghod at makinig sa mga pagddrama mo. Wala naman akong nagawa nung mga episodes mo. Wala naman akong nagawa nung bumagsak ka. Sabi mo nga ako si Simon of Cyrene, tinulungan si Jess na magbuhat ng Krus Niya against his will. Pinuwersa siyang buhatin ang Krus ni Jess, hindi naman Niya ginusto. Hindi ko naman ginusto ‘to eh. At yun ang pinakamasakit. Kasi nasasaktan ako na kung kailan natututunan kong magustuhan ang pagtulong sa’yo, tsaka ka mawawala.

Putsa. Alam mo pa ang isang pinakamasakit? Tangina. Hindi Niya binigay yung hinihiling mo. O hindi nga ba? Galit na galit ako kay Jess. Ano bang ginawa natin o hindi natin ginawa para hindi mo ma-deserve yung bagay na yun? Shit. Noong nagyakapan tayo nung Way of The Cross, hindi ko ine-expect na sa balikat ko pa ikaw tatangis. Ibang klase ka. Hayup. Pagkatapos non sukdulan ang galit ko sa Kanya. Isang bagay lang hindi pa Niya maibigay. Hirap na hirap ka na lalo ka pang pinapahirapan.

Pero ganun Siya eh. “Parte yan ng plano.” Boohoo. Parte ng plano. Totoo nga sabi nila, mahirap mahalin si Jess. Lintian. Sobrang hirap. Sobrang hirap na ultimo well-being mo nakasangkalan na. Wala daw tao na sumusunod kay Jess ang namumuhay nang matiwasay. Eh bakit ba kasi natin pinili pang sumunod sa Kanya? Kasi mahal Niya tayo? Siguro nga.

Wala akong ibang masabi sa pag-alis mo. Gusto kong umiyak pero parang hindi na naman tumutulo ang luha. Tapos na ang mga gabing sikretong humihikbi-hikbi habang iniisip ang napipinto mong pag-alis. Tapos na ang mga araw ng kalungkutan. Tapos na ang mga araw na maririnig ko ang maganda mong boses. Tapos na ang mga araw-araw na pangungumusta mo sa’kin. Hindi na tayo uli makakagala nang ganon kadalas ‘di gaya ng dati. Hindi na tayo ganun makakapag-usap.

Pero parte yan ng plano. Brigada Siyete!!! Lintiang plano yan. Ang hirap sundin.

Pero tara, sundin na nga natin. Baka mapalo pa tayo sa puwet.

Paalam, pinakatatangi kong kaibigan. Salamat sa maraming taon na tayo’y nagkasama. Alam ko pinagdadasal mo’ko, kaya ipagdadasal kita. How Ironic, but I have to be happy for your farewell. Unfair naman ako kung pati kaligayahan mo ipagkakait ko pa. Basta. Sweet Goodbye, sabi mo nga. Salamat sa pagkakaibigan. Salamat sa pagpapaiyak mo sa balikat mo (na may kasama pang sipon), at sa pag-iyak mo sa balikat ko. Wala na ang Jess ng buhay ko. O wala na nga ba? Basta. Mahirap kang palitan. Leche ka. Paalam.

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