I don’t know how to begin with this. Apparently, I’m experiencing manic depression lately. Ups and downs and rollercoaster as an analogy is a bit of an understatement. I keep on texting people to pray for me because I have a problem but I remain vague to them. I can’t tell them what my problem is because I myself can’t explain moreso understand what’s happening to me.

What’s certain, though, is that I’m depressed. Whenever I’m alone, my heart feels heavy and I feel like crying. Which is so not me.

But the loneliness doesn’t show. It’s a complicated thing, but I guess the depression attacks vigorously when I’m alone. For old time’s sake, I always get my enthusiasm from other people. I’m like Rogue of X-Men, my power is using other people’s power.

“And now I stand on a fork road…”

There are so many things that make me depressed. They’re so many I can’t even begin to think of them. What I know is, I get depressed everytime I try to think of it. The goodbyes to be said, the decisions to be done, the conflicts to be resolved. All brings forth a drastic change.

I always ask God to make me understand what I’m going through. I, myself, can’t comprehend what I’m feeling. Everything’s so vague. And until I get a clear understanding of what this is, I can’t begin to remedy or prevent things from happening.

The feeling is very consuming. It’s gloomy, like the heavens for the past couple of days. Whatever’s happening, I hope something good comes out of it. As it always does.