I don’t have an Ate.

But I have an ATE JULIE. She’s my Kuya’s girlfriend. The first time I saw her, I felt a special bond. I even thought I had feelings for her, which is not good considering she’s my brother’s girlfriend. On the latter days of her visiting our house, I found out I don’t have “feelings” for her. I just felt so at ease with her presence because I was longing for an “Ate” figure. Even though she’s most likely to join our family (that’s why I’m wishing for my brother to marry already), she’s not my biological sister, and no one will ever be.

She could possibly be my ate, but she’s not my Ate.

But I have an ATE WENG. My Ate Weng is biological, but she’s not my sister. She’s my cousin, and I spent most of my childhood with her. She would take care of us younger cousins of her everytime. In her, I saw the Ate figure I always wanted to have. But she’s not my Ate. She’s 22 and she has her own family now (with cute little JC as their bundle of joy). Even though she’s busy being a mother, she still makes time to come visit us.

She was my Ate, but she can’t be anymore.

But I have an ATE TIN. Ate Tin is a dear friend of mine. She would always look out for me, and be there for me in times of trouble (sometimes even financially, hehe!). Ate Tin knows my barkada, and they all love her. Ate Tin is the ideal Ate, the one every younger sibling would want to have: responsible, jolly and a true servant of Kuya Jess. But Ate Tin can’t be my Ate, she’s already an Ate to somebody.

I wanted her to be my Ate, but she couldn’t be my Ate.

And then I have ATE KATE. She’s as old (or even older, I’m not quite sure) as Ate Weng and she’s the girlfriend of Kuya Luis. She’s the epitome of kabangagan, truly craziness personified. That’s why I love her, because we’re very much alike in our crazy antics especially when we’re together. But she also can’t be my Ate, because she’s already an Ate to her four younger brothers. Oh, how I envy them for having an Ate like Ate Kate! How I wish I would find my own Ate…

But I don’t have an Ate. And I will never have one. I have a Kuya, and a bunso. Pardon me for wanting too much, it hurts to be the middlechild.

But I’m loving it. So please, can some miracle give me an Ate?

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