Dear JM,
Congratulations! I’m afraid I have to give it to you. Bravo! You did it once again! And you never fail to amaze me everytime you do.
Let me refresh your memory. More than a year ago (in your time) or, a month ago (in my time), you were caught up in a very devastating circumstance. You saw — made possible, even — the demise of one of the best friendships you’ve ever had in your lifetime. You worked so hard just so it won’t fall apart; you served as the lasting support even if its foundations, though rock solid, were shaken and broken down to shards. And yet even though you were the last resort, the last ray of hope for the friendship, you decide to give up and let the relationship fall apart. You never wanted it to happen yet somehow you were the one who let it happen. Even worse, you were the one who made it happen, thanks to your nosiness and your desperate attempts to save something you never really meant to save.
And so in the coming months you take extra caution. The passing of something very dear to you caused so much heartache and agony that suicide was the next best thing to laptops. Thank God you didn’t budge, and apparently you’re still alive today.
You met many people after that but they didn’t qualify to how much you loved the previous friendship. You decided to close your heart for a while and not get too attached with people so that their departure won’t cause you so much pain. You loathed pain so much you tried to live out escapism just to keep yourself from getting hurt again. It seemed like a big achievement, for nobody new ever meant to you more than your old friends.
You decided, then, to forego a previous heartache that’s been piercing your heart for quite a while now. You apeaced yourself to all those who’ve caused you pain and those who you’ve caused pain. You relinquish old scores and made new memories for yourself. You enjoyed yourself so much you forgot about the other essential things that make up the “new you”.
And because of all your shortcomings you forgot the other people in your life. You never knew that foregoing one previous heartache would lead to another, and a couple at that. You never knew that by moving on and letting go you’d be causing yourself more pain. With this you stopped and asked yourself why these things are happening to you.
It’s been not so long ago, and yet you proved the old saying because history indeed repeated itself. No matter how you tried to be cautious and prudent about dealing with relationships nothing seemed to work. Maybe you think about it so much. You were always trying to apply the lessons you’ve learned you forgot to be liberal and spontaneous about everything. And what has this brought you? Who would’ve thought? More pain, indeed.
Where are all your friends now? Enough of self-pity and start taking responsibility for your actions. After all, it’s always you and your “attitude” that drives people, even friends, away from you. The journey towards finding yourself could’ve been easier if a friend walked by with you; and yet the more you discover things about yourself the more you use those traits to drive them away. Perfect, JM, just fabulous!
Congratulations for yet another job well done. You’ve completely proven to me, even to the whole world, that you really are worthy of living life alone. Pat yourself on the back, because you totally deserve it. Nobody’s there to pat your back anyway, so just do it yourself.
Love lots,
JM (of a year ago)

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