Whenever my cousin brings her daughter to our compound, I always make it a point to play with her. Her name’s JC, and she’s the cutest little thing! But just like any one-year-old out there, she’s also very makulit as in she’ll hump on all the sofas and she’ll run around the sala throwing her toys around. One very grave danger of such makulit attitude is that she’ll eventually hurt herself doing all her flips and stunts just to impress all her aunts and uncles.
Ate Wheng (JC’s mom) related to me how JC’s being very makulit caused her to fall from the bed or get bruises and stuff. She particularly told me about how whenever it happens she’d try with all her might not to scream or get surprised because it’ll make JC cry. That’s why when JC once fell from their bed, she just stood still and kept quiet, and JC indeed didn’t cry. Its effect on Ate Wheng, however, was surprising — she felt so numb and crisp all over her body, it’s as if somebody froze her dead on the spot.
I understood what she was talking about when JC and I were once sitting on the sofa and the makulit in her was reaching the stuff toy on the floor. I didn’t notice her antic at first and so she fell face first on the floor. I wanted to shout “Ah!” but I remembered what Ate Wheng told me about not shouting so she wouldn’t cry, and so I didn’t. And guess what? I totally felt myself froze all over that I didn’t get her up until a minute or so. Good thing, though, she didn’t cry.
I guess that’s what happens to anyone who bottles up all their emotions. They work so hard keeping all their feelings to themselves they’re not aware that the same emotions are consuming them already. The end result? Anxiety attacks, “freezing over”, and worse, even death. Make it a point to detoxify and rid your body of all these unnecessary angst, grudge, remorse, guilt, whatever; that’s what friends are for (okay, so I used it in a different context but that’s what I really want to say =P).
Unfortunately, I can’t help the fact that I have to bottle one emotion right now. It’s some sort of joy and excitement, but I can’t let it show. It happens only when I see a certain commercial; I immediately shoot up when it starts to play, but I can’t show any sign of happiness or joy or whatever, I had to remain neutral lest I want to let everybody know the other side of me. Sigh… it’s hard but it’s what’s to be done!
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