ss_blog_claim=654b82dee1aa57a4f3e3c2ba6aa71943
Broken.jpgLast night during our postPostDays gala in Greenbelt I had the chance to talk to “Dr. Love” of Days and my batchmate as well, Kuya Leo. I asked him if he ever felt the way I felt, and he started to narrate a couple of stories. No offense to Leo because I don’t think he understood my situation, well, that’s because I didn’t tell him the whole of it, just the gist.

Have you ever felt this feeling: you are so attracted to someone for so many years now, say, around 6 years already. At this point in time you realize it’s not just mere attraction anymore, it’s something else though you can’t seem to define it. You want to be with this certain person, for all these years that’s what’s you’ve been craving for. But — as always there’s a big BUT — there’s a problem. As much as you want to be with this person, there’s something holding you back, and it’s not you. It could be your different status in society, your age gap, or anything else that could possibly hinder you from being with that somebody. You know you want to, but you can’t.

I have this huge huge attraction/crush/infatuation/fixation with somebody. It’s been going on since, say, I’m 13 or 14 years old. It started from simple attraction that grew into a more complicated matter. But my problem is, that somebody is a celebrity. A TV/Movie star. My two BFFs know about this already. I know it’s not just fanaticism or idolatry, I know it’s something else. And it tears me up inside because no matter how badly I want to be with this somebody, I know I can’t. You know how it is with celebrities. I know I could try (just like what Leo said) but I also know that I’d die trying. It’s a hopeless case.

Now I kind-of understand how a friend of mine feels. He really wants to be with the persons he love, but he can’t. He wants to take care of them, to be concerned to them, to even just be with them, but he can’t. There’s something holding him back and it’s not him. This situation has taken its toll on his health, and it’s not good.

Everytime I remember this certain celebrity, see a picture or hear the song “You’re Beautiful”, I feel what this friend of mine feels. Sometimes, I even have a mini-palpitation of the heart. I’m broken because I really really really want to be with this person, but I know I can’t. Do you understand how that feels? It hurts, literally and implied.

Sigh… here’s something to make things hurt more:

You’re Beautiful
James Blunt

My life is brilliant
My life is pure
I saw an angel
Of that I’m sure

She smiled at me on the subway
She was with another man
But I won’t lose ‘em
Sleep all night
‘Cause I’ve got a plan

You’re Beautiful
You’re Beautiful
You’re Beautiful it’s true
I saw your face
In a crowded place
And I don’t know what to do
‘Cause I’ll never be with you

Yes you caught my eyes
As I walked on by
She could see from my face
That I was fucking high

And I don’t think
That I’ll see her again
But we shared a moment
That will last ’til the end

You’re Beautiful
You’re Beautiful
You’re Beautiful it’s true
I saw your face
In a crowded place
And I don’t know what to do
‘Cause I’ll never be with you

You’re Beautiful
You’re Beautiful
You’re Beautiful it’s true
There must be an angel
With a smile in her face
hen she saw up that I should be with you
But it’s time to face the truth :,(
‘Cause I’ll never be with you :,(

Here’s to feeling more broken in the coming days… Sigh…


One Response to “Broken.jpg”
  1. Lorenz says:
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