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Archive for February, 2005

Here’s one of my favorites from Bamboo:

Red sun dawn
Guns are drawn
Skull and bones
Beast of war
Father help me stop this
Rush of blood to the head
Look at you I see red
Start this game
I’ll end it

By this hate that you help the world create
I’ve been sent
Now repent
I’m the war that comes to you
I’m the plague that follows through

I’ve been told
You’ve been warned
To stop the hatred you have spawned
The qualms you have are stupid
By this movement manifest
Lord now put you to the test
Yet you fail
Now the blind that follow you
Will burn in hell with you

All by myself
I know that I stand here alone
All your lies they feed
I’m stronger now
Stronger now than I was before
There’s no way you can
Hurt me
Move me
Stop me

Talk too much mutherfucker hush
You had your chance to change things
Move in the direction of right
Choose to set the bad
But then you had to pick a fight
So what’s daddy done for you lately?
Bought you the throne
Like stealing candy from a baby
Line your pockets with mucho dinero
Paid in full with the blood of the people

So now you got the fires rockin
Blood and hate
Then you got the people talking
Legacy
You will never be forgotten
Your place in history
A black mark in time
A black mark in time

All by myself
I know that I stand here alone
All your lies they feed
I’m stronger now
Stronger now than I was before
There’s no way you can
Hurt me
Move me
Stop me

Peace and flowers
Will kill the superpower
The fall of Rome is near
Can’t you hear
It’s been written, it’s been said
The signs are here
The revelations I have read
The signs are here
Those days are over
Walk away from the line
For now is the time

All by myself
I know that I stand here alone
All your lies they feed
I’m stronger now
Stronger now than I was before
There’s no way you can
Hurt me
Move me
Stop me

Comments 10 Comments »

Been a wee bit sappy lately. Cheesy, perhaps, would also do well as an adjective. It’s that time of the year again. No wait, it’s the time of my lifetime again… I feel so emotional. Blame it on Morrie.

I spent Tuesdays with Morrie for the past days. He’s quite a man. He’s one of the reasons why I’m cheesy these days. I feel so emotional. I feel like I could cry, but no, not really. Not now.

Been thinking a lot lately. About college. About reading. About relationships. About studies. About graduation. About friends.

All this thinking’s not filling my brain, but my heart. I don’t know why there’s a biological effect into feeling so much pain, grief, anger, loneliness, longing… emotions. Just goes to show the ideal and real aspects of life work hand in hand in times like these.

A while ago, I knew all I want to write. I forgot about them now. Screw this sappy feelings… for later.

Comments 12 Comments »

There’s one grave reason why I don’t enter into serious relationships. Besides the fact that I don’t handle a relationship quite well, I hate being controlled. Manipulated. Taken Over. Spun at the palm of a hand. Of all the things in this world, taking control over me is the last thing you should do lest you want to die.

I do all things for a reason. Big reasons, small reasons, corny reasons or just any reasons. I do something for a purpose, and not just for the heck of doing it. I do things that I want to do, I need to do, and I’m asked *properly* to do.

The things I want to do are the ones that make me happy. They are the ones I fantasize in this petty mind of mine, and I find great joy whenever I do them.

The things I need to do are those stuff that most of the time require a horrendous deal of effort or will power, but nonetheless I enjoy doing them.

The things I’m asked to do are those things whom I do for somebody, may it be a friend, a classmate, or a relative. These are favors whom I find happiness to do for a friend.

But when you take control over my life, telling me what and not to do, you cloud my sense of having reason. You ‘force’ me to do something I might not want to do, in the long run just making some crappy outcome because of lack of “willingness” to do a thing.

This is my own life. Not yours, mine. Call me an activist but I really would stand up if you’re getting in my way. I don’t want people commanding me to do something unless I want to do it, I need to do it, or I’m asked *properly* to do it.

‘Reason’ is something lost in our society today. Everybody’s going with the flow, and when asked why they do certain things, they say, “Trip Lang!” We lose reason, objective, and vision which could justify why we do certain things in our lives, and how we react to certain situations that come upon us.

Through our reasons, intentions, objectives and visions, we see our strengths and weaknesses. We limit ourselves only to things we want to or can achieve, and not go overboard because we might find it hard to pull ourselves back.

When you appear dominant over me, I lose all my reasons. I tend to do things for what-nots and, most especially, for you. And of all the things in this oh-so-cruel world, I hate having to do something for someone I don’t even respect.

This is who I am, this is what I want to be, this is where I want to go, this is why I want to Live. If you can’t live with that, then DIE! Do yourself a favor and savor your own life, don’t go eating on my plate.

Comments 7 Comments »

For the first time ever, I’m now eligible to say this line: “I’m up so late because I’m finishing my paper.” Don’t it feel good? NO!

It’s okay staying up all night for this paper. Besides, I’m enjoying writing it, since my topic concerns blogging, the advantages and disadvantages of it. Hehe… today’s a very clear example! Anyways, I’m almost finished with it, I just need some brushing up to do.

I’m missing my soulmate so much… I hope she goes back home safe, sound, and whole tomorrow. Joke Lang, soulmate! Labsha! ü

Comments 24 Comments »

Grabe. Ngayon lang nag-sink in sa’kin. Pasado ako sa UP. College of Mass Communication. Bachelor of Arts in Journalism. College. UP. Iskolar. Writer. Baaaahhhh!!!

Na-verify ko na ang information, salamat kay Kuya Juvelan, Kuya Noel at Kuya John. Kailangan talaga maraming source eh ano?! Ehehehe… para sure talaga at hindi naduling lang ang isa at mali pala ang natingnan!

I’m a sureball Iskolar ng Bayan, starting June 2005. Sa UP na ako mag-aaral. Sa UP, baka ako maging aktibista. Sa UP, ako mag-aaral maging writer. Sa UP, excited na ako. Sa UP, sa UP, sa UP.

Sa sobrang sabik ko, nag-su-surf ako ngayon sa site ng UP. Tinitingnan ko na yung mapa, nagbabasa ng mga articles, nag-vi-visit ng mga sites ng mga iba’t ibang Colleges. Buti na lang pumasa sa UP si Mico, may kasama na’ko! Malapit lang ang Building nya sa Building ko! Hehe… at buti na lang din merong hindi pumasa… si *toot* at si *toot*. Masama mang maituturing pero natutuwa talaga ako. As in. Sorry, Kuya Jess… pero talaga… ang saya…

Kuya Jess, salamat po at pumasa ako sa UPCAT! Alam ko pong nakapasa ako dahil tinulungan nyo ko (at binulungan nyo po ang Registrar na kapag hindi ako naging Iskolar, mawawalan sya ng trabaho. Hehe. ü). Salamat at maipagpapatuloy ko na ang aking pangarap. Salamat po talaga, Kuya Jess!

Comments 11 Comments »

Ang bobo ko talaga. No wait, ANG GAGO KO TALAGA. Di ko akalaing nagawa ko yon. Di ko akalaing nasabi ko yon. Dinala na naman ako ng emosyon ko. Gaaaahhhh binreak ko na naman ang fasting ko. Ang immature ko. Tama si soulmate. Nakuha kong ipagpalit ang edukasyon ko para sa isang cellphone lang. Ganon na ba ako naging kababaw? Nasaktan ko ang damdamin ni soulmate dahil sa sinabi kong yon. Ewan ko kung mapapatawad ko pa yung sinabi ko…

Andaming rason na tumatakbo sa isip ko kung bakit ko nasabi ang mga iyon. Pero hindi ko ibabaling sa mga rason na yon ang kasalanan. Ako. Ako ang may kasalanan. ANG GAGO KO. ANG IMMATURE KO.

Kuya Jess, pangako, magsisilbi po itong leksyon.

Comments 14 Comments »

Matagal-tagal na rin akong

Tsumi-tyempo para makausap ka

Mangatal-ngatal pa’ng labi ko

Walang masabi ‘di maka porma

Kahit na ano’ng gawin

Diskarte ko’y bitin na bitin

Hanggang kailan ko titiisin

Pigil na damdamin

Mautal-utal pa nga ako

Hindi masabi laman ng puso ko

Na mahal na mahal kang totoo

Kaya naman nagkakaganito

Nanlalamig, nanginginig, kinikilig

Sa tuwing ako sayo’y nakatitig

May kakaibang pintig

Gan’to ba’ng umiibig

Bakit natutula, kapag kaharap ka na namumutla

’tila lalong lumalala, walang masabi ‘urong aking dila

At sa hiya’y nanlalata, walang mapapala

Kailan ba magsisimula, kailangan ko na ng himala

Sabihin nyo, kelangan ko ba ng Himala?

Comments 13 Comments »

2 down, 1 to go. Sinong desididong mag-convince sa’kin na rational at relevant ang umattend sa grad ball?

Comments 6 Comments »

“May the Lord you serve in time come and save you!” Daniel 6:16

Yan ay mga katagang nakasulat sa isang maliit na papel na kinuha ko mula sa isang parang “wishing well” ng mga quoatations sa Shepherd’s Staff Bookstore sa Greenbelt. Just In Time ang heading na nakalagay. Tamang-tama, kasi muntik na akong ma-late non, pero I was JUST IN TIME para makita si Ate Kitchie ko. Ang weird nga lang, kasi tatlo kaming kumuha ng mga quotations, then later on nalaman ko na kelangan palang ibalik yung mga kinuhang quotations. Sila naibalik nila, ako naitakas ko na. Hehehe…

Pero ewan ko ba kung tadhana nga bang masasabi, pero parang ginusto ni Kuya Jess na mapasaakin yung piece of paper na yon para paalalahanan ako, na darating sya at sasalbahin nya ko. Frankly speaking, ilang beses na nya akong sinalba. Ibig sabihin lang kelangan ko pa syang pagsilbihang mabuti.

Kahapon, nagpunta ako sa bahay ni Soulmate! Grabe adventure itong gimik naming ito, parang Extra Challenge! Layo kasi ng bahay nya eh, sa Proj. 4 pa, pero go pa rin! Ahehehe…

Nagkita kami sa GoNuts Donuts, bili muna ako ng donuts don. Dala ko na yung Sun Sim na nibili ko for her, nawala kasi yung Sun Sim nya. Nagpunta na kami sa bahay nila, at nagkuwentuhan nang walang humpay.

Ang kulit talaga ng soulmate ko. Ilang beses akong inaasar! Grabe talo talaga ako dun kapag nang-aasar. Sa sobrang pang-aasar nya nasira tuloy yung antenna ni Poring Doll! Ahehehe ayan kasi ang likot. Tapos kumain kami ng Beef Steak ni mommy!!! Ang saraaappp grabe. Astigiiin, lasap na lasap ang calamansi! Nyahehehe…

Nood ulit kami ng TV. And then biglang may nakita yung dad nya. Guess what? Yung nawawala nyang Sun Sim!!! Ay naknambuhay… ehehehe… pero binigay na lang nya yon sa dad nya, kasi astigin yung number nung binigay ko sa kanya, easy to memorize! ü

Tapos surf-surf kami ng internet for a while… Wala kami masyado pics kasi kinuha ni dad nya yung digicam. Pero nakakuha ako ng grad pic ni soulmate!!! Ahehehe… after mag-net nood nood TV na naman, then she prepared her clothes kasi nood kami ng movie. Nung iniintay ko sya, nakatulog ako sa sofa nila. Grabe kahiya.

Mga 30 minutes daw ako nakatulog, ayon sa aking soulmate. Nagising ako sa mga tabig-tabig nya at ISANG MALAKING KAGAT SA BRASO! Ahehe… oo, soulmate, naramdaman ko yun! :p Nung nagising ako, parang may biglang nawalang parte sa utak ko. Parang may memory na parang nawala bigla. Yung panaginip ko ata. Mukhang masaya ako dun sa panaginip. Hindi ko alam kung ano nangyari, kung sino nandoon at kung ano ang meron. Hindi ko na matandaan gano man kahirap kong subukan. Ang alam ko, masaya yung panaginip, kasi alam ko ata kung sino ang nandon… :)

So nagpunta na kami ng gateway mall. Si soulmate, kinukulit pa rin ako na pumunta na nga daw ako sa Grad Ball. Ako, di ko pa rin alam. May tatlo pa ring factors ang nag-hi-hinder sa’kin nung mga panahon na yon kaya ayaw ko pumunta ng Grad Ball: (a) Irrational ang tingin ko sa Grad Ball; (b) Kelangan pa ng Approval ni Mommy; (c) Wala pa akong partner. That night, na-slash off na ang (b), pumayag na si mommy. Talon sa tuwa si soulmate! Sinobrahan pa ang kulit. Pero may dalawa pa ring problema. Haaayyy… mamaya, sana isa na lang ang problema… ^_^

So ayun, bili na kami ng tix for Phantom of the Opera. Gusto ko ulit panoorin para mas malinawan pa’ko, atsaka nakatulog ako sa bandang dulo non. After buying tickets, kain muna kami sa Taco Bell ng Nachos. Medyo na-late kami sa movie layo kasi ng Taco Bell sa movie house. Pero nonetheless, nag-enjoy ako ng todo sa movie. Haaayyyy… yun ata ang pinakamagandang point: yung movie. Di ko makalimutan grabe.

Si soulmate, half of the movie atang tulog. Masisisi ko ba sya eh mahigit isang araw na syang gising, so pinatulog ko na. Pero sa bandang dulo gising na naman sya… hehehehe

Umuwi ulit kami sa bahay ni Soulmate to eat dinner. Ang super sarap na beef steak ulit nii mommy! Hehe… tapos, surf surf kami sa internet. Astigin nga yung YM ni Soulmate eh! Ehehehe online kaming dalawa ni Soulmate at the same time! O, san ka pa?

Tuloy pa rin ang pang-aasar ni Soulmate sakin tungkol sa Grad Ball. Pilit akong niyayaya na mag-practice sumayaw, sabi ko di ako marunong sumayaw. Eh sinabi nya ata kay Ate Tin, binuking ba naman na animator ako! Hehe… nawala ata sa isipan ni soulmate… so ayun super yaya sya na magsayaw kami… kaso ayoko talaga… :p

So surf surf ulit, then may isang nag-YM sakin. Si Mico. Dala nya ang isang mensaheng makapagbabago sa buhay ko, buhay ng parents ko, buhay namin ni soulmate at buhay ng sambayanang Pilipino! Okay. Joke lang yung huli, pero grabe talaga yung news.

Ang siste eh nagpunta daw ang mommy ni Mico sa UP to check the results of the UPCAT. And guess what?! Pasado AKO!!! According to him! Grabe I hope I can verify the information… kelan ba lalabas ang Online results???!!! Grabe tuwang tuwa kami ni Soulmate muntik ko na syang maisayaw!!! Ehehe pero indi natuloy kaya nagtampo si Soulmate… nyahehehe…

So tuloy kami ng surf. May nag-message ulit sakin. Si Dio naman. Pinag-usapan namin yung freestyle ko. Tapos bigla nyang naitype ang isang meaning nung isang code ko. Yung araw. Ni-reveal nya, sa harap ni soulmate, kung sino si araw. BOOM! Biglang nagtatalon sa tuwa si soulmate. Nalaman nyang sya si araw. Bigla nyang naging instant friend si Dio at muntik na silang magkampi para asarin ako. Buti na lang hindi natuloy. Kay soulmate pa nga lang talo na ako eh… ^_^

Okay lang kako. Yun lang naman ang alam ni Soulmate. Bahala na sya mag-interpret sa iba. Ahehehe…

Then nagkuwentuhan ulit kami ni Soulmate. Kinuwento ko sa kanya yung bagay na nagpayurak ng puso ko nitong nakaraang buwan. Ewan ko kung ano pumasok sa isip nya… bigla syang naging tuliro. Dala ng pagkaantok o dala ng sinabi ko? Ewan… sana i-explain sakin ni soulmate mamaya…

9:20pm na. Kelangan ko nang umuwi. Masakit, pero kelangan na kaming maghiwalay, baka kasi di ko na maabutan ang MRT. Hinatid ako ni Soulmate sa sakayan ng Jeep. Buti na lang mabilis mag-drive ang driver. Baba sa Ali Mall, lakad past through around 4 malls pa. Ang layo pala. Akyat ng hagdan ng cubao station. Narinig ko ang mensaheng ayaw ko sanang marinig.

“LAST TRAIN NA!” Takbo ako ng super bilis. Muntikang mangyari ang kinatatakutan ko. Hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko pag di ko naabutan ang tren na yon. Takbo ako pataas para maabutan ang tren. Whew. Pawis na pawis ako. Napaisip ako: sinalba na naman ako ni Kuya Jess. I’m JUST IN TIME. Galeng.

Safe naman akong nakauwi, fortunately. Di na kami nakapagtext ni soulmate, natulog na ata sya eh. Pero sana nga maglogin sya mamaya… miss ko na sya. Marami pa kaming pag-uusapan.

Ang dami ko talagang kelangang ipagpasalamat kay Kuya Jess. Kuya Jess, lahat po ng nangyari kahapon, Kayo po ang may gawa. Ang galing Nyo! Lahat nag-complement into place… lahat perfectly done! Kahapon yung summit ng buhay ko… ang saya-saya po! Pwede na’kong mamatay… Joke Lang! :p

Comments 4 Comments »

Haaayyy… my soulmate is so sweet! She’s sweeter than a sweet sweet bar of a sweet chocolate bar… ang sweet! Bottom line: sweet sya. Just take a peek at one of our text conversations:

B: Soulmate!

JM: Batit, soulmate?

B: Wala Lang, miss na kita! Hehe… ü

JM: Awww… same here! Ehehehe, sige practice ka na! Huuuggggggzzzzz!!! ü

Say, wasn’t that sweet? Ah grabe, I Love my Soulmate!!! ü >:D< Huuuggggzzzz… *tugush* :p

Comments No Comments »