Archive for January, 2005

Ito na yata yung point sa buhay ko na masasabi kong ang buong mundo eh laban sakin.

Siguro pwede kong sabihin kaya ako nag-o-overreact ng ganito eh dahil andami kong negative energy na naipon.

Pero bakit kelangang sunod-sunod na nakakainis at nakakagalit na pangyayari ang kelangang mangyari?

Simpleng manghihingi lang ng pera pangkain ng hapunan, ayaw pang ibigay.

Simpleng hihiling lang na sana eh ipaghanda ng hapunan, ayaw pa.

Simpleng hiling lang naman. Gusto ko lang naman kumain kasi kanina pa ko gutom. Need naman yon, although “want” ang kumain na lang ng solo, eh wala na namang iba pang kakain, bakit ayaw pang ibigay?

Ito ang dahilan kung bakit ako patuloy na bumababa sa rankings sa school. For the past 4 years of my life never as in never akong nakakuha ng pat on my back for the accomplishments I’ve done. Ni simpleng “Oi Congrats!” man lang walang nakapagsabi. Pero I continued to motivate myself, and be motivated by the affirmations I get from my peers, na hindi ko nakukuha sa family ko.

For the past 4 years hindi ko naramdaman na special akong anak, well sige selfish ang dating pero when you’re working real hard for it, don’t you deserve it?

What will keep me going on now? Simpleng hiling ng isang special na hapunan kahit sa tapsilogan lang dyan sa tapat hindi pa maibigay…

Wala na… I’m really going down. Ka-simpleng bagay pinalalaki ko.

Kuya Jess, again, I’m asking for strength po. Ang bigat na po sa puso! I want to break free…

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“If you don’t suffer from pains and heartaches, how would you know that I am a Healer?

If you don’t go through trials and problems, how would you know that I am a Deliverer?”

Words I chanced upon while I peek through what a co-passenger is reading at an FX Taxi Ride. It hit me right through. RIGHT THROUGH.

My intentions were pure, and I really didn’t want to hurt anybody. But in the process of wanting to help, I’m the one who gets hurt. Why do bad things happen to good people?

Its hard — wearing a mask. While I want to scream to the whole world that I’m hurting inside, I can’t. I have to face this all on my own, with all the optimism and happiness I could muster.

After all, I only have three best friends in this world. Me, Myself and God. They are the only ones who can console me right now. Right now that I’m alone… alone as I venture in a world I didn’t intend to create on my own. A world full of misery, hate and strife, where I wallow in things I wasn’t aware I created. It was, after all, all my fault.

Kuya Jess, strength lang po! Strength lang po to go on with this. Yun lang po… salamat…

Comments 67 Comments »

What if, for a change, problemahin ko muna ang mga problema ko bago ko problemahin ang problema ng iba?

Ano kaya mangyayari? Malaking problema kaya ang kailangan ko pang problemahin kapag pinroblema ko muna ang problema ko bago ko problemahin ang problema na pinoproblema ng iba?

O baka naman mas mababawasan pa ang problema kong kelangan kong problemahin kapag pinroblema ko na rin ang mga problemang pinoproblema ng iba?

Bakit ko ba kasi pinoproblema ang mga problemang pinoproblema ng iba? Problemado rin ako at maraming problemang kelangang problemahin, eh bakit ko pa pinoproblema ang mga problemang pinoproblema ng iba?

Ahhh! Maraming problemang kelangang problemahin dito sa ating problemadong mundo.

Ikaw, may problema ka?

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Hosted by Photobucket.comIt’s been confirmed! Toni Gonzaga has now officially signed up as ABS-CBN’s newest talent.

The first time I saw Toni Gonzaga was on a Sprite Commercial where she exclaims the oh-so-famous line, “I LOVE YOU PIOLO!!!” She then went on to host SOP, where she didn’t even gain much of stardom’s light.

Just last year, she went on to host a comedy news program with Vhong Navarro and Drew Arellano, another talent from GMA. This gave Toni her well-deserved spot in the limelight.

Toni is comedic in nature, and her ad-libs are really witty. One reason I watch Wazzup! Wazzup! is her, because of her real funny delivery of a real funny news.

ABS recently offered her a contract to join their long list of talents, coming along to the rejuvenation of their program line-up. Just this week, Toni was formally welcomed to ABS-CBN as one of its talents. The reason she accepted the job?

LIBRE, the Inquirer’s free newspaper, puts it this way: If Toni were to be an exclusive star of GMA (just like her recent status at ABS), it would mean she would have to leave Wazzup! Wazzup! at Studio 23, since it’s a subsidiary station of ABS-CBN. That would also mean Toni gets stuck with all her recent GMA shows, earning only a small piece of chunk in cash, because Wazzup! brings in more of her income. BUT, due to ABS’ quadruple offer, if Toni makes the cross to the other station, then she’d be earning even 5 times her recent pay. She’s the winner in this crossover.

And not only that, Sitcom Producers have been arguing as to what Sitcom Toni gets to be a mainstay on. Toni is such an adorable actress, and having her on one show would mean ratings. Rumor had it that she’d be co-hosting side by side with Willie Revillame on his new game show, but she turned it down in respect to Eat Bulaga!, who shares the same time slot. She owes a lot to that noontime show.

Go Toni! It was a wise move to move to Dos! ü

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Hosted by Photobucket.comRumors had been going around school this morning that Y! Speak, the ABS-CBN youth-oriented debate show hosted by Ryan Agoncillo and Karen Davila together with Bianca Gonzales, is going to have its taping in our school that same afternoon.

I went to confirm the rumors with Ron and in fact they were true. John Paul Rosal, a friend of mine, will be standing as one of the panelist together with Adrian Cayetano, the College SC President.

Only 10 students were chosen from our department, five of which came from the student council and the five remaining were the top 5 of the batch. Since I’ve been a wonky rank-player I wasn’t chosen as an audience, but it’s okay.

The topic centered on TDA, yet another trend of the Y Generation. TDA meant Technological Display of Affection. If PDA is for the public, then TDA is for the cellphones, beepers, computers, PDAs (how ironic!), etcetera. TDA talks about the luscious display of FKs, hugs, smacks, beso-besos and other things couples do through technological devices. I have yet to react on the points of the panelists because I haven’t personally watched the episode yet.

We were told that the guest panelists were Jean Garcia, Nina Ricci Alagao, and many others whose names I forgot. I wanted to see Bianca Gonzales, but to no avail.

The episode might be aired on Saturday, January 29 2005, so watch out for it!

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Ewan ko ba! Malaki ata ang epekto ng buwan sa “sanity” ko, kaya eto naging isang malaking cam freak muli ang lolo nyo…

Presenting… a thousand and one “photo ops”… ^_^

Hosted by

Haha! Mukha akong 12 years old dito…

Kahawig ko ata dito si

Kirby ng Starstruck?

Ready, set, CLICK!!!

Hmmm… split screen?!

Inde… monitor mismo ng PC ko yan! ü

“Nakaka-L! NakakaLito!” (by Ma’am Ria)

Stressed? Nah… Acting!

Beeehhhlaaaatttt!!! ^_^

Pagod na ko kaka-click!

Ba… dandang epek ano po?!

Feeling hearthrob! :p

The three things that keep me going in Life:

My PC, my passion, and my Lord.

Malayo ang tingin…

Grabe… Cam Freakiness at its finest! ^_^ ü

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Anak naman ng pitumpu’t pitong puting tupa’t kambing o!

Sukat akalain mo ba naman… ako pa ang napili! Parang SCQ yung naganap… at IN ako! But I don’t want to be in… I want OUT! :p

You’re probably wondering what I’m talking about, so let’s spill the beans so you won’t form any “conclusions” there in your head. Okay, so Ma’am Carmie, my teacher in English, asked me one fine Friday afternoon to go on a “screening” for the Inter-Don Bosco Extemporaneous Speaking Contest to be held in DBTI Makati on the fourth of the Feb. I told her about how Extempo wasn’t really my thing during the recitation last year, and how I have the incredulous ability to stutter when speaking in front of an audience. She then psychologises me by raining me down with compliments as to how I have “depth” when speaking and how I have a “very wide” vocabulary. Being the person deprived of affirmation, I quickly fell into her trap so I promised her to attend the “auditions”.

Auditions came, and there were only six of us auditioning; most of which were just “forced” to be there. We were to choose a topic then construct in our minds an impromptu speech to present to the two judges, Ma’am Carmie and Ma’am Cylie (my English teacher last year). We drew lots for our topic, and my topic happened to be the best topic in the whole cliche-wide world: “The capability of the Government to make the country survive from economic setback”. Great.

For once, politics isn’t really my thing. I half-wished I should’ve just been given another topic, the one about the Elections. I could have many arguments there since last summer I volunteered at NAMFREL and I really saw some of the ins and outs of the Election in our country. Of all the topics, why, why has God given this to me?

I went to the corner of the room to concentrate on the matter. I didn’t have many strong arguments in mind, but I began by starting to formulate some sentences then memorizing them. Little did I know that that won’t do the trick; my moment came and I wasted it with a few dozen um’s and uhh’s, consuming only about 3 minutes or so. It was a real bummer.

Decision would be given out the next day. I almost wasn’t able to sleep, luckily my kitty took my mind off of things.

The next day, Ma’am Carmie talked to me and Jacques, the other auditionee from my class. She told us that they’ve chosen Jacques and Daryl (another auditionee but from another section), and that I would be a reserve player, if ever one of the two won’t meet their expectations.

I was half-happy about the matter. There would be a 50% chance I won’t be able to get in, which is what I would like it to be at that point. I have only about 2% willingnes to be in, simply because it’s a real privelege to be joining such an event. The other 98%, however, would justify the fact that I really don’t want another, should I say, “burden” for the Foundation Week.

We started doing some rounds of extempo. Every afternoon we would meet for a session, and we’d be given a topic to speak about; it went on for a few days, until now when judgement will be given.

It was like a Star Circle Grand Questor’s Night, only this one was held in the afternoon. For the last time one of us was going to speak in front of the two judges to prove to them that he should be the official contestant. When I learned that this was the judgement day, I sarcastically exclaimed, “Then I’ll give all my worst!”. I really didn’t want to be in the contest. I’d rather write, I joked.

We were each given a topic to talk about: mine was “The effects of Illegal Logging to the economy and the environment.” It was quite an easy topic, considering how I could relate it to the recent calamities in the provinces.

While contemplating on the topic, I quietly prayed to Kuya Jess. I told Him that I would give my best shot in what could be my last extempo, and that whatever will be the decision of the judges, I’d willfully heed.

My moment came again. I put the guidelines in mind, and I delivered my speech. It went quite well, I guess, but my ego easily goes down whenever I see the face of Ma’am Cylie, as if not liking what I’m saying. Not much stutters anymore, but not much time consumed also. Only 3 minutes and 30 seconds! Real fast, but I’ve laid down my arguments strong enough.

Decision came in, and, obvious as the obvious moon in the obvious sky, I was chosen. I told Kuya Jess that it’s okay, and that it’s my privelege to be representing the school for such an occasion.

BUT STILL, I’d rather write. ^_^

The title came from a funny incident during our fair last year. The Radio Announcer was announcing the sponsors of the event over the mic. He came upon the word “Pharmaceutical” on one of the Sponsor’s Names, and he can’t pronounce it. He went over the mic saying: “Pharma… Pharmaceu, Pharmaceu… Pharm… uh, mic test, mic test…” We would laugh about that funny incident everytime we would remember it.

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Sana’y masabi sa awit kong ito

Lahat ng ninanais nitong puso ko

Sana saan man patungo sa buhay

May pag-ibig, pag-asa; May saya at saysay

Sana sa bawat sandali’y matikman pa

Sarap ng pagsasama, at simpleng ligaya

TARA NA! Sakyan lang… malay mo…

Anjan lang, anjan lang ang hinahanap mo…

Kung di nyo sya kilala, well that song might remind you of her. She’s Nikka/Nikki Gil, that new girl-a-loo endorser of Coca-Cola’s latest offering, “Kasama Ka!”.

I got captivated instantly the first time I saw the ad. The song was so meaningful, the commercial was so thoughtful, and Nikka was just… amazing! She’s like, my ultimate dream girl!

AND She’s smart, beat that! She’s a valedictorian in High School and a Presidential awardee as well. Beauty and Brains, san ka pa?!

Turn off nga lang ako when I saw her in S-Files last Sunday. She wore minis and she spoke in a real coño manner. She also did that thing with her tongue, some mannerism eh?!

Anyways, the girl in the coke commercial has really captivated my heart… haaaayyyy…

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Hmmmm… ano kaya ang feeling ng nabasted?

Siguro masakit. Siguro mabigat sa damdamin. Siguro gugustuhin mo nang mamatay. Puro ako siguro kasi hindi ko pa naman to napagdadaanan, dahil di pa naman ako nanliligaw (at walang balak within the next few…________?). Ang huling relasyon na pinasukan ko eh dala lang ng kantsawan, walang direktang ligawan na naganap.

Siguro masakit talaga mabasted… lalo na kung talagang high hopes ka na sasagutin ka ng taong yon… baka nga magalit ka pa sa taong yon dahil binasted ka nya…

Pero pano kung may VALID as in VALID na reason naman sya para basted-in ka? Say… tomboy sya or may balak sya magmadre or taken na sya o di kaya’y old skool ang parents nya. Pano mo iha-handle ang situation? Pano mo iha-handle ang dillema na kagaya nito? Mahal mo sya, pero wala kang choice kung hindi palayain sya dahil kapag hindi, kayong dalawa rin ang magsu-suffer.

Haaaayyyy… pero naaawa pa rin ako sa isa kong bagong kaibigan. Nawa’y panatanagin ni Kuya Jess ang kanyang namimintig na puso. Kaisa mo ko, frend! Ayus lang yan… alam kong masakit, pero kung ganun talaga, wala na tayong magagawa… mahirap kalabanin si Kuya Jess! Para sa ikabubuti naman nya yon… ^_^ ü

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I got lost in the flamboyant display of words.

Curiosity aroused me as I browsed through this article about the recent Metro Manila Film Festival. Having liked the recent show of films, I peeked into this article by some writer who thought otherwise.

But alas. It was just too profound for an average senior high school student like me to comprehend. He never failed to use a highfaluting adjective or adverb to get his message across. While some older people feast in this awesome tango with words, I wallow with confusion as to what he really wanted to say. Maybe the article really wasn’t for me.

Why do we have to use too much highfaluting words? He for once, is not writing a literary essay but instead a commentary. How will the common pinoy be able to understand such matters?

It lacked economy and therefore I can conclude that it’s an ineffective essay. Maybe he’s just happy showing off his uber huge sense of vocabulary tantamount to the universe, but me, I ain’t happy about it.

I’m not going to write articles like that when I become a writer. ^_^

And the title of the article was “Back to Basics”. Huh, how ironic.

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Kinulit ako ni Kuya Jess. Ayaw pa nyang magtapos ang isang napakagandang pagkakaibigan. Masyado itong valuable para mawala.

Ako lang ang susi ng lahat. Ako rin ang ugat ng lahat.

Ginamit ni Kuya Jess ang lahat ng taong kinailangan nyang gamitin para iparating sa’kin ang mensahe. Hindi nya ko tinigilan. From the moment na nilabas ko ang galit ko upto the point na nagduda ako sa desisyon ko, andun si Kuya Jess para kulitin ako.

Sinunod ko naman sya… nakulitan na ako eh!

Madami rin akong maling nagawa sa kanya. Patawad, Lorenz! Bespren!!!

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May pag-asa pa.

Comments 27 Comments »

Blood temperatures should rise. Breathing should get hard. Mind should get steamy and clouded. Blood Pressure should be abnormal. Lungs should close. Bronchal Tubes should get clogged. Nose should suffer from Icky Mucus clogging.

Touch the hair, whirl hand through it, messed up hair.

Get a grip. Get over it. It’s not worth it. IT’S NOT WORTH BEING ENRAGED FOR!!!!!!!!!

And now we’re back to our regular programming.

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I don’t want to see your face

I don’t want to hear your name

I don’t want a thing

Just stay away baby

Don’t wanna know if you’re alright

Or what you’re doin’ with your life

Don’t wanna hear that you’ll stay in touch maybe

I’ll get by just fine

So if you’re goin’ then darlin’ goodbye, goodbye

Don’t call me in the middle of the night no more

Don’t expect me to be there

Don’t think that it will be the way it was before

Don’t think i care

I’m now over you yeah

And I don’t want to be your friend

I’ll forget we ever met

I’ll forget I ever let

Ever let you into this heart of mine baby

You just gotta let me be

You gotta keep away from me

‘Cause all i want to be is just free of you baby

Don’t you come around

And say you still care about me

Go now, go now


You take it too casually, and baby it’s killing me

I’ll get by just fine

So if you’re goin’ then darlin’ goodbye, goodbye

Don’t call me in the middle of the night no more

Don’t expect me to be there

Don’t think that it will be the way it was before

No, no baby

Don’t call me in the middle of the night no more

I don’t want to be your friend

Don’t think that it will be the way it was before

I don’t want to be your friend…

When this song first hit the airwaves, I thought it was too harsh. How could you not be friends with your lover after a breakup? Is the breakup to horrible? Is there something about the other party that you hate so much? I thought it wasn’t a very nice song to sing and hear as well.

But lo and behold. It’s the perfect song for my current situation.

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Nope, I’m not revamping the site. As much as I want to, I don’t have ample time within my hands to conjure up a layout. The last time I did a site lay was about 4 months ago, and I think I’m losing the touch.

What’s revamped, though, is my personality. Not my entire personality changed, but a huge portion of me did. Once again, I undergo a transformation even I can’t control. But still, I’m so glad about this transformation.

Last week, I left something to gain another. It is true what Ann Landers said in her article, that “we must lose something precious to gain another.” Lose some to Gain some. Finally, I became free from being a victim of Trust for a very long time. However, what I did and how I did it isn’t quite what a true blue Catholic would do, but still I’m happy that I broke free.

The overnight brought about the greater change in me. Just like what Rupert Ratio said, instead of getting clarified about my vocation, I got more confused; which is good, according to Fr. Roel, because now we have more options, and we would now be more critical in choosing the right option, unlike when we were unsure with only two options.

There were so many realizations I learned during the overnight.

Now I keep a journal notebook, or what I would like to call it, a Reflection Notebook. Through this journal notebook, I get to air out all my thoughts. Don’t get me wrong though, I’m still up and up with my blog. ^_^

I like what’s going on with my life right now. I’m more independent, and now I can appreciate every little thing that comes my way; the cold morning, the surprise quiz, the lonely kitten, the unwavering thoughtfulness of my mother, the car that passed by… EVERYTHING! I’m breathing the simple air of a magnificent simple life!

God is Good. (Salamat, Kuya Jess!)

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